Ridiculousness

Do you know what is ridiculous? Sweeping carpet. I work at a restaurant that has a carpeted floor and it SUCK's to sweep it. Sweep too soft and you will be sweeping one peice of trash for fifteen minutes. Sweep to hard and you know what will happen? Usually it BOUNCES BACKWARDS therefore getting you farther away from your ultimate goal of sweeping the floor. I am going to invest in a swiffer flicker or whatever because I like where I work but I don't know how long I can stand that happy-crappy!

These times they are a changin'

I know that I have been gone a long time, and although I am sure I don't have any readers to apologize to anymore, I felt like I should get this out there into blog-space.

These past four or five months have been almost the worst of my life. I went from living with my family for the summer with the hope of going back up to my Mountain University gleaming at my horizon, to finding out that because of a STUPID mistake made by me and others, I wouldn't be eligible for financial aid at MU and so I was forced to go to Too Close University.

At many Universities you can drop classes at a certain time, and then you can withdraw from them. Withdrawing was explained to me like this "Withdrawing from a class gives you a W as a grade for your class instead of an A,B,C etc. and gives you no academic penalty." Was I was not informed was that it does give you attempted hours. So I withdrew from classes that I could have kept thinking that there was no backlash to these withdrawn classes.

I was wrong. Obviously. Those attempted hours added up, and my completed hours (passed classes)did not. It was as if I had TRIED to take many classes and failed them, because failed classes also give you attempted hours but not completed hours. So one quiet day in June I received a letter saying that because there was such a big gap in between my attempted hours and my completed hours I was no longer eligible for financial aid, grants or even loans from the government for MU.

My choices were sparse:

A) I could take the year off

B) I could go to a community college for a year

C) I could go to Too Close University.

I chose to apply to TCU and got in. It was a happy and sad occasion. Yay! I got in to a university I don't want to go to, but at least I am in a university.

So all hope of leaving this house vanished, which is one of the big reasons I haven't been blogging. It is incredibly hard to write in other peoples space. I have my computer in my room, but my push to get it hooked up to the family's wireless internet provider has been unheard.

The rest of the story will follow. Writing has always been the balm that heals the wounds of my soul, and although I know other people have been through much worse than having to live at home, my soul is aching.

a frantic search for a place I once knew

My high school is burning down.

At this moment, I am watching the news where the only thing that is showing is my school. As tears stream down my face I watch as peices of my adolesence burn to the ground.

They say the fire started in the Chemistry classroom. A room I avioded at all costs, but spent mornings goofing off with my teacher DR. Hef. when I had to. The fire has long since burned the library, and all the hours spent smoozing with the librarian and books I read constantly.

I wasn't in love with my high school. I thought it was stupid and I thought the people were immature and self-absorbed. For most of the four years I only went there half time. So why does it mean so much to me? I know people that graduated with me that are celebrating. They think that its "awesome" and funny. But I can't join them.

I had my first kiss in an empty classroom. I spent hours running in the halls and up and down the stairs in soccer equipment when it rained outside. I skipped classes and rebelled with friends and laughed and danced and I will never see that place again.

I walked down those halls with a pallette of paint and got to choose my "Senior Block", a rectangle of cinderblock that I could claim my own and paint all of my memories onto so that I could come back and remember and young high school students could read it and wonder who I was and what that block meant to me. Seniors had been able to do it since the school opened in the 70's and now they are all gone.

Sure it was a crappy high school. But it was our high school.

Summer is here

I know, I know, its been a pretty long time. Things have been, hectic to say the least! I am itching to write to you guys, but just to tired for new thoughts so here is that story I promised you guys I would share with you!!! You won't like it if you haven't read any Harry Potter, but maybe it will turn your eye towards him. Here is a little bit of it so please give me some feedback.

Snape paced anxiously back and forth in his office. He couldn't believe this day had come so quickly, and now he had to figure out what to do or how to react. Harry Potter, or "the one who lived" he thought and then snickered out loud to himself. This boy, this sniveling little baby, had destroyed his master and now he was coming to Hogwarts. Harry Potter. The name kept rolling around over and over in Snapes mind, a loose piece that refused to be put away. The traditional start-of-term banquet was about to begin and Severus certainly did not want to be late, for he knew there would be eyes watching him tonight from all sides judging how he would react to Potter after seeing him for the first time.

Glancing at the clock, Snape realized he couldn't put this moment off any longer and went to fetch his dress robes from his room. He threw them on hastily and hardly glanced in the mirror before heading down to the feast. He didn't need to look in the mirror to know that he wasn't the most attractive person to grace this planet. Coincidentally it was the famed Harry Potters father who made sure that Snape never forgot that when he was a student with James here at Hogwarts. He also knew that good looks did not mean you had a secured place in history or even that you were a good wizard. He again thought of James, whose baby son was already more famous than James would ever be. Severus shook his head to clear it of all of the thoughts crowding his brain and swept down the corridor to the Great Hall.

home again home again jiggaty jig

I hate being home. I mean, I love it. I love my family and I love my house, I love the city and I love being home with my sister who is my best friend. But GOD how I wish I had an apartment here or something. Somewhere where I could be at home all day and hang out with the family I so miss when I am away, but then I can say "Alright guys, I love you! I'm going home now, I will talk to you tomorrow."

I suffocate when I am here. I have only been here for a day and already I ache to be back up in my own room at the mountains. Real suffocation. It starts in the chest, the heart, and spreads quickly. There is just something about being away and able to make your own decisions and live your own life that just makes me yearn for it. And the weirdest part isn't even about making my own decisions because I haven't been denied any decisions since I have been here. Maybe it is something about having my own space my own room and my own guidelines. I haven't lived in my house for more than a week since I moved up to college a year and a half ago and if I am away too long I yearn for my family but as soon as I get here I yearn to be home.

Yay summer vacation right?!? That's where I have been my readers. I apologize for my absence. Even now that I am home and not driving around like a crazy woman I don't know how much of my you guys are going to read this summer. My house has two computers and both of them are in other peoples bedrooms so I am limited. Wanna hear another fun thing? I am starting summer school before my two youngest siblings even get out of regular school. It shouldn't be bad though, two hours a day learning Spanish, which I am desperate to learn because I am studying there in about a year and I would love to be able to talk to my classmates, but more about that later.

I know this isn't the happiest post, but we will call it post-independence depression. Hey, my parents own the house next door, maybe I should see what the rent is!

P.S. -- Of course the last post was from the commercial!!! I just wanted to see who of you out there would recognize it!! And I thought it was a cute little tidbit of information, as I wouldn't have guessed Aardvark in a hundred years if it wasn't for that commercial. Gotta love those mini-wheats!!!

Just like a shot of brain coffee

Ok class, heres a question to get your mind pumping...

What is the first word in the dictionary? No no no, don't look it up! And it isn't anything crazy, I promise.

Sad Day...

**Don't read this if you are easily grossed out. Well I mean, you can read it and I happen to think it is a piece of darned good writing, but you do it at your own risk.**

I had to go to the dentist today. I hate the dentist but the last time I went he told me that I had two small cavities (first ever) and that he wanted to fill them before they became bigger ones. I'm all for that, but from now on you may not find me so happy to volunteer my mouth until my teeth are falling out. Here is how it went:

8am - I call the office (on my new cellphone!!) to see if I can come early to get fit in early because my appointment right now is for 10:40 and I have an exam at 12. The lady says it won't help me to come early but assures me that there is no way that two fillings will take more than an hour.

10:30 - I arrive at the dentist's with Ryan because, well, I didn't want to go alone and he wanted to come with me. It isn't long before they take me to the back. But they don't take me to the nice, friendly room I went to last time. Oh no. They take me to a harsher more high tech room and Ryan stays in the waiting room to read. It's scary.

10:55 - Assistant-in-Training (oh goody) puts two cotton swabs of numbing gel into my mouth and leaves again.

11:10 -Dentist comes in and it has been so long that he has to put more numbing stuff in my mouth.

11:15 - Dentist needles me twice with the real numbing stuff... and leaves.

11:20-11:50 - that's right. For THIRTY MINUTES I AM ALONE. I play with my phone, sleep, drool, shiver (why is it always so cold in medical offices?) and wait for someone to come and find me...

11:55 - Assistant-in-Training comes in again and I slur to her that I was assured I would make my 12 o'clock exam which now there is no possibility of doing. She goes and finds "the doc" and then comes in and ask me if I want to reschedule.

reschedule?!?! And do all of this again? Hell no!! If I am going to fail my class at least make it worth it!

12 - Dentist comes and starts his work. They stick about 4 tubes/drills/suckers/anything-they-can-fit in my mouth before I gag and then tell them that I gag very easily. Really. Even now, thinking about all those things in my mouth makes me gag. Assistant-in-Training decides she doesn't really believe me and makes me gag four more times before it gets through her thick skull that I am going to throw up on her if she doesn't stop.

Let me just stop here to say that at one point they put some sort of Cosmic Ray Gun in my mouth and whenever Assistant-in-Training turns it on both she and Dentist turn their heads so as not to look at the light it is emitting into my mouth.

Thats right, not just avert their eyes... oh no.. TURN THEIR HEADS. I want to scream "What are you putting in my head that you can't even look at? How can that be good for me?" but of course I have a hand and everything else in my mouth and I am too afraid to even move my head for fear of some Cosmic Ray disease. We are waiting for that.

12:20 - They are done and I walk out to the counter and I am forcing back tears. I cannot believe I am going to miss my exam. I cannot fail this class. Ryan hears my voice (I was once told I could be a circus ringleader... I'm pretty loud) and comes to the counter. I turn into him and just tell him to please help me deal with the receptionist. When we get in the car I slur/cry to him about my exam. He calmly told me that I could still try and take it because the professor has to stay in the classroom all three hours anyway. He even got me a note from the receptionist. I love him.

12:35 - Ryan drops me off at my classroom and I go up to the teacher. Everyone else that took the exam is gone and I slur to him what had happened. Have you ever layed on your arm so long that it fell asleep so completely that you could touch it and it felt like someone else's? Yea, translate that weirdness to your face. Yea. Professor says that I can take the exam but that I have to take it right now. I kiss his feet, ok drool on his feet, and then complete the exam.

My mouth now hurts so bad that I don't even want to open it but my head hurts to bad for me to sleep. And I am nauseated. I hate the dentist. May my teeth rot and fall out before anyone forces me to grace that damned chair with my presence. Amen.

Happy Day!!

Hello world!! Guess what new toy I have....

(Drumrollllll pllllleaseeeeee!!!!!!)

A cell phone! Yep, that's right, for $.99 and the contract to my soul I got this phone and I am no longer the only person in this universe that doesn't have one! Actually, I have mixed feelings about being connected to humanity 24 hours a day all of the time. I am going to make sure that I have it off at least 16 hours a day. But something funny happened as soon as I turned it off for the first time.

It started out innocently enough, I was driving back to school from home and I had had the phone for about an hour or two. I didn't get a car charger because it would have cost another million of dollars, so my battery was pretty low because... I don't know, that's just how new phones come I guess... and so I picked it up, turned it off, and set it back down...
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Silence. Suddenly I was struck by this feeling that people were needing me, that all three people that knew my phone number (one of which can't even call me) were suddenly struck by some huge urge to tell me their deepest secret, or there was an emergency, or I needed to tell someone something and I COULDN'T because my phone was off.

My hand started itching and everytime I tried to focus on the road my eyes started sliding over to my phone. I was waiting for a beep or a light-blink or anything but it was off. Sadly, I couldn't get this feeling to leave until I shoved the phone under my seat and convinced myself that no one needed anything and that it was not a good way to start the relationship with my phone.

We are quickly working our way to a healthy relationship where we can both respect each other. It promises to keep my messages safe as long as I promise not to wear off the buttons within the first week. I really am glad I have it. Long drives are safer and it will be much easier to keep in touch with my friends over the summer as they all believe that if you don't have a cell phone you are incontactable. But kids, let this be a warning to you. That which makes you powerful can also destroy you!!!!