a frantic search for a place I once knew

Ridiculousness

2006-11-11T02:11:00.000-05:00

Do you know what is ridiculous? Sweeping carpet. I work at a restaurant that has a carpeted floor and it SUCK's to sweep it. Sweep too soft and you will be sweeping one peice of trash for fifteen minutes. Sweep to hard and you know what will happen? Usually it BOUNCES BACKWARDS therefore getting you farther away from your ultimate goal of sweeping the floor. I am going to invest in a swiffer flicker or whatever because I like where I work but I don't know how long I can stand that happy-crappy!

These times they are a changin'

2006-11-03T23:59:00.000-05:00

I know that I have been gone a long time, and although I am sure I don't have any readers to apologize to anymore, I felt like I should get this out there into blog-space.

These past four or five months have been almost the worst of my life. I went from living with my family for the summer with the hope of going back up to my Mountain University gleaming at my horizon, to finding out that because of a STUPID mistake made by me and others, I wouldn't be eligible for financial aid at MU and so I was forced to go to Too Close University.

At many Universities you can drop classes at a certain time, and then you can withdraw from them. Withdrawing was explained to me like this "Withdrawing from a class gives you a W as a grade for your class instead of an A,B,C etc. and gives you no academic penalty." Was I was not informed was that it does give you attempted hours. So I withdrew from classes that I could have kept thinking that there was no backlash to these withdrawn classes.

I was wrong. Obviously. Those attempted hours added up, and my completed hours (passed classes)did not. It was as if I had TRIED to take many classes and failed them, because failed classes also give you attempted hours but not completed hours. So one quiet day in June I received a letter saying that because there was such a big gap in between my attempted hours and my completed hours I was no longer eligible for financial aid, grants or even loans from the government for MU.

My choices were sparse:

A) I could take the year off

B) I could go to a community college for a year

C) I could go to Too Close University.

I chose to apply to TCU and got in. It was a happy and sad occasion. Yay! I got in to a university I don't want to go to, but at least I am in a university.

So all hope of leaving this house vanished, which is one of the big reasons I haven't been blogging. It is incredibly hard to write in other peoples space. I have my computer in my room, but my push to get it hooked up to the family's wireless internet provider has been unheard.

The rest of the story will follow. Writing has always been the balm that heals the wounds of my soul, and although I know other people have been through much worse than having to live at home, my soul is aching.

a frantic search for a place I once knew

2006-11-01T19:40:00.000-05:00

My high school is burning down.

At this moment, I am watching the news where the only thing that is showing is my school. As tears stream down my face I watch as peices of my adolesence burn to the ground.

They say the fire started in the Chemistry classroom. A room I avioded at all costs, but spent mornings goofing off with my teacher DR. Hef. when I had to. The fire has long since burned the library, and all the hours spent smoozing with the librarian and books I read constantly.

I wasn't in love with my high school. I thought it was stupid and I thought the people were immature and self-absorbed. For most of the four years I only went there half time. So why does it mean so much to me? I know people that graduated with me that are celebrating. They think that its "awesome" and funny. But I can't join them.

I had my first kiss in an empty classroom. I spent hours running in the halls and up and down the stairs in soccer equipment when it rained outside. I skipped classes and rebelled with friends and laughed and danced and I will never see that place again.

I walked down those halls with a pallette of paint and got to choose my "Senior Block", a rectangle of cinderblock that I could claim my own and paint all of my memories onto so that I could come back and remember and young high school students could read it and wonder who I was and what that block meant to me. Seniors had been able to do it since the school opened in the 70's and now they are all gone.

Sure it was a crappy high school. But it was our high school.

Summer is here

2006-06-25T23:42:00.000-04:00

I know, I know, its been a pretty long time. Things have been, hectic to say the least! I am itching to write to you guys, but just to tired for new thoughts so here is that story I promised you guys I would share with you!!! You won't like it if you haven't read any Harry Potter, but maybe it will turn your eye towards him. Here is a little bit of it so please give me some feedback.

Snape paced anxiously back and forth in his office. He couldn't believe this day had come so quickly, and now he had to figure out what to do or how to react. Harry Potter, or "the one who lived" he thought and then snickered out loud to himself. This boy, this sniveling little baby, had destroyed his master and now he was coming to Hogwarts. Harry Potter. The name kept rolling around over and over in Snapes mind, a loose piece that refused to be put away. The traditional start-of-term banquet was about to begin and Severus certainly did not want to be late, for he knew there would be eyes watching him tonight from all sides judging how he would react to Potter after seeing him for the first time.

Glancing at the clock, Snape realized he couldn't put this moment off any longer and went to fetch his dress robes from his room. He threw them on hastily and hardly glanced in the mirror before heading down to the feast. He didn't need to look in the mirror to know that he wasn't the most attractive person to grace this planet. Coincidentally it was the famed Harry Potters father who made sure that Snape never forgot that when he was a student with James here at Hogwarts. He also knew that good looks did not mean you had a secured place in history or even that you were a good wizard. He again thought of James, whose baby son was already more famous than James would ever be. Severus shook his head to clear it of all of the thoughts crowding his brain and swept down the corridor to the Great Hall.

home again home again jiggaty jig

2006-05-15T22:24:00.000-04:00

I hate being home. I mean, I love it. I love my family and I love my house, I love the city and I love being home with my sister who is my best friend. But GOD how I wish I had an apartment here or something. Somewhere where I could be at home all day and hang out with the family I so miss when I am away, but then I can say "Alright guys, I love you! I'm going home now, I will talk to you tomorrow."

I suffocate when I am here. I have only been here for a day and already I ache to be back up in my own room at the mountains. Real suffocation. It starts in the chest, the heart, and spreads quickly. There is just something about being away and able to make your own decisions and live your own life that just makes me yearn for it. And the weirdest part isn't even about making my own decisions because I haven't been denied any decisions since I have been here. Maybe it is something about having my own space my own room and my own guidelines. I haven't lived in my house for more than a week since I moved up to college a year and a half ago and if I am away too long I yearn for my family but as soon as I get here I yearn to be home.

Yay summer vacation right?!? That's where I have been my readers. I apologize for my absence. Even now that I am home and not driving around like a crazy woman I don't know how much of my you guys are going to read this summer. My house has two computers and both of them are in other peoples bedrooms so I am limited. Wanna hear another fun thing? I am starting summer school before my two youngest siblings even get out of regular school. It shouldn't be bad though, two hours a day learning Spanish, which I am desperate to learn because I am studying there in about a year and I would love to be able to talk to my classmates, but more about that later.

I know this isn't the happiest post, but we will call it post-independence depression. Hey, my parents own the house next door, maybe I should see what the rent is!

P.S. -- Of course the last post was from the commercial!!! I just wanted to see who of you out there would recognize it!! And I thought it was a cute little tidbit of information, as I wouldn't have guessed Aardvark in a hundred years if it wasn't for that commercial. Gotta love those mini-wheats!!!

Just like a shot of brain coffee

2006-05-05T12:27:00.000-04:00

Ok class, heres a question to get your mind pumping...

What is the first word in the dictionary? No no no, don't look it up! And it isn't anything crazy, I promise.

Sad Day...

2006-05-02T22:29:00.000-04:00

**Don't read this if you are easily grossed out. Well I mean, you can read it and I happen to think it is a piece of darned good writing, but you do it at your own risk.**

I had to go to the dentist today. I hate the dentist but the last time I went he told me that I had two small cavities (first ever) and that he wanted to fill them before they became bigger ones. I'm all for that, but from now on you may not find me so happy to volunteer my mouth until my teeth are falling out. Here is how it went:

8am - I call the office (on my new cellphone!!) to see if I can come early to get fit in early because my appointment right now is for 10:40 and I have an exam at 12. The lady says it won't help me to come early but assures me that there is no way that two fillings will take more than an hour.

10:30 - I arrive at the dentist's with Ryan because, well, I didn't want to go alone and he wanted to come with me. It isn't long before they take me to the back. But they don't take me to the nice, friendly room I went to last time. Oh no. They take me to a harsher more high tech room and Ryan stays in the waiting room to read. It's scary.

10:55 - Assistant-in-Training (oh goody) puts two cotton swabs of numbing gel into my mouth and leaves again.

11:10 -Dentist comes in and it has been so long that he has to put more numbing stuff in my mouth.

11:15 - Dentist needles me twice with the real numbing stuff... and leaves.

11:20-11:50 - that's right. For THIRTY MINUTES I AM ALONE. I play with my phone, sleep, drool, shiver (why is it always so cold in medical offices?) and wait for someone to come and find me...

11:55 - Assistant-in-Training comes in again and I slur to her that I was assured I would make my 12 o'clock exam which now there is no possibility of doing. She goes and finds "the doc" and then comes in and ask me if I want to reschedule.

reschedule?!?! And do all of this again? Hell no!! If I am going to fail my class at least make it worth it!

12 - Dentist comes and starts his work. They stick about 4 tubes/drills/suckers/anything-they-can-fit in my mouth before I gag and then tell them that I gag very easily. Really. Even now, thinking about all those things in my mouth makes me gag. Assistant-in-Training decides she doesn't really believe me and makes me gag four more times before it gets through her thick skull that I am going to throw up on her if she doesn't stop.

Let me just stop here to say that at one point they put some sort of Cosmic Ray Gun in my mouth and whenever Assistant-in-Training turns it on both she and Dentist turn their heads so as not to look at the light it is emitting into my mouth.

Thats right, not just avert their eyes... oh no.. TURN THEIR HEADS. I want to scream "What are you putting in my head that you can't even look at? How can that be good for me?" but of course I have a hand and everything else in my mouth and I am too afraid to even move my head for fear of some Cosmic Ray disease. We are waiting for that.

12:20 - They are done and I walk out to the counter and I am forcing back tears. I cannot believe I am going to miss my exam. I cannot fail this class. Ryan hears my voice (I was once told I could be a circus ringleader... I'm pretty loud) and comes to the counter. I turn into him and just tell him to please help me deal with the receptionist. When we get in the car I slur/cry to him about my exam. He calmly told me that I could still try and take it because the professor has to stay in the classroom all three hours anyway. He even got me a note from the receptionist. I love him.

12:35 - Ryan drops me off at my classroom and I go up to the teacher. Everyone else that took the exam is gone and I slur to him what had happened. Have you ever layed on your arm so long that it fell asleep so completely that you could touch it and it felt like someone else's? Yea, translate that weirdness to your face. Yea. Professor says that I can take the exam but that I have to take it right now. I kiss his feet, ok drool on his feet, and then complete the exam.

My mouth now hurts so bad that I don't even want to open it but my head hurts to bad for me to sleep. And I am nauseated. I hate the dentist. May my teeth rot and fall out before anyone forces me to grace that damned chair with my presence. Amen.

Happy Day!!

2006-05-02T18:47:00.000-04:00

Hello world!! Guess what new toy I have....

(Drumrollllll pllllleaseeeeee!!!!!!)

A cell phone! Yep, that's right, for $.99 and the contract to my soul I got this phone and I am no longer the only person in this universe that doesn't have one! Actually, I have mixed feelings about being connected to humanity 24 hours a day all of the time. I am going to make sure that I have it off at least 16 hours a day. But something funny happened as soon as I turned it off for the first time.

It started out innocently enough, I was driving back to school from home and I had had the phone for about an hour or two. I didn't get a car charger because it would have cost another million of dollars, so my battery was pretty low because... I don't know, that's just how new phones come I guess... and so I picked it up, turned it off, and set it back down...
..
....
......
........
Silence. Suddenly I was struck by this feeling that people were needing me, that all three people that knew my phone number (one of which can't even call me) were suddenly struck by some huge urge to tell me their deepest secret, or there was an emergency, or I needed to tell someone something and I COULDN'T because my phone was off.

My hand started itching and everytime I tried to focus on the road my eyes started sliding over to my phone. I was waiting for a beep or a light-blink or anything but it was off. Sadly, I couldn't get this feeling to leave until I shoved the phone under my seat and convinced myself that no one needed anything and that it was not a good way to start the relationship with my phone.

We are quickly working our way to a healthy relationship where we can both respect each other. It promises to keep my messages safe as long as I promise not to wear off the buttons within the first week. I really am glad I have it. Long drives are safer and it will be much easier to keep in touch with my friends over the summer as they all believe that if you don't have a cell phone you are incontactable. But kids, let this be a warning to you. That which makes you powerful can also destroy you!!!!

An Age of Laughs

2006-04-20T19:08:00.000-04:00

Remember that popular lit. class I was talking about? (See previous post!) Well Ryan and I are in it together. I had Mr. Nerd for a composition class last semester and when he told me he was teaching a class this semester and what it was about I insisted that Ryan and I take it together.

Its an awesome class, Mr. Nerd is about 25 and went through grad school at our college. He is short and looks exactly like a Hobbit. He is pretty funny though, and a very good teacher.

Ryan is... still in his twenties, but is older than Mr. Nerd and when Ryan found out about this he laughed quietly to himself but then it was over. Until wednesday.

Wednesday Mr. Nerd had a friend and fellow teacher who looked about the same age attend our class. We talked about doppelgÃ¤ngers. This reminded Ryan of some show way beyond my knowledge called Twin Peaks which premiered when I was about 4. After class the nerdier of the students hung around for a little while to talk about what was going on in the book and what can I say, I was born a nerd and wanted to talk.

Ryan tried to mention Twin Peaks to a couple other students in the class and none of them knew what he was talking about so he said to Mr. Nerd;

"You know, talking about doppelgÃ¤ngers reminded me of this old, old show called Twin Peaks..."

Mr. Nerd grinned and thought he was going to bust Ryan for saying "old, old" by replying

"Yea I know that show, but when you say old, old" then he paused and asked "How old are you?"

Ryan flashed aembarrasseded grin and I turned arounbecausese at this point I'm laughing so hard I can't breath. Both of these guys are laughing at each other for being older than the other and only one is, my boyfriend.

"Um, twenty-something." Ryan said, his face so red I thought it would burst.

"Oh my gosh!" Mr. Nerd said while laughing "you're older than both of us!"

They talked a little longer and then we got on our way and I had finally controlled my laughter when I heard Ryan mutter under his breath

"Anthat'sts why I should pass this class with flying colors. Respect your elders bitch!"

And yet another way God makes it impossible for me to do work!

2006-04-14T12:55:00.000-04:00

The sun is shining, it's Easter break and everyone (aka my roommate) is home. There isn't a cloud in the sky, it's about 80 degrees out, and of course I have a twelve page paper I have to do. I fought hard against this yesterday. Me and Ryan flew kites, worked out, threw a football, and spent only about thirty minutes in the library. We are both distracting each other. Ryan is graduating in May and has more than 30 pages of papers to write in order for his cap, gown and announcements not to be a funny joke.

Want to hear about my paper? I think at least one of my commenters (maybe the one who has read four books in five days) would find this interesting, but I hope many of you will have ideas...

I am taking a popular literature class called "Fantastic First's". It's about the first books in series. So far this semester we have read The Hobbit, Harry Potter, Dune, and we are about to read The Gunslinger. For our final paper, we have two choices:

a) a 7 to 10 page critical analysis of one of the books we have read.

b) a 12 and up page story of one of the side characters in any of the stories.

Needless to say, I am doing option b. If you have never done a critical analysis, I envy you. They are terrible terrible things to write, and even if they were halfway tolerable, they still involve research where as a fiction story would just involve my brain which I think I can handle. Maybe.

I was thinking of writing something about Snape, and his evil doings. I'm not really sure, although I do think I want to write about Harry Potter. I have so much to say about Harry Potter. Any suggestions? Leave them please!! I will post up pages as they are written and wouldn't you love to see me write about your idea?!? I thought so!!! Ok, I'm going to "brainstorm" outside on a blanket... in my bikini... and a book... oh you get the picture.

Sigh...

2006-04-09T19:53:00.000-04:00

I know I have been away for a while. I don't even really know why. Granted, I have been busy but more than that I have been just so sad and frustrated that it didn't seem like it would be a very good blog. But things are changing and I am looking up so I think I will talk about what has been going on.

My roommates dad died in December. Before he died Beth always had to be in control and she had to know what everyone was doing at all times. She was very sarcastic and mean and pretty much a clean freak. Since then, all of those traits have doubled. She won't let me change the air conditioning a degree without getting prior permission. She makes mean little snippy come backs to every thing I say. The only thing that has gone the other way is her cleanliness. She has helped me clean the room once since December. And I am not going to sit here and tell you that I am the cleanest person alive. But I am not talking about clutter, I am the queen of clutter. I am talking about dirtiness. As I sit here I can count 8 cans of Sun Drops sitting around with a sip or two taken out of them. None of them are going to be drunken. They are all going to get poured out and thrown away. What a waste.

But the worst thing is how she makes me feel like property. I am pretty busy in between classes and sorority stuff and so is Ryan with his classes and fraternity stuff and getting ready to graduate. Beth is also in my sorority and she takes only one class on Monday Wednesday and Friday. On those days, she deems me "hers". We meet after class at 12 for lunch and then I belong to her. If she has to go to the bank, I have to go to the bank. If I hang out with Ryan, she calls his room over and over until we answer. The other day, I was helping Ryan fill out resumes on the internet and she called. I answered and told her what I was doing and she said begrudingly "Ok, but tell Ryan he owes me." And then hung up. WHAT?!?! He owes you? For what?

The pressure I feel about this is constant. I am always either with Ryan or Beth. I never get any time by myself. Beth refuses to hang out with anyone else in the sorority and is always in the room. Last week I skipped my class just so that I could have a little time to myself. I don't answer the phone in Ryan's room anymore when I think it is her. Even if she is in the room for only thirty minutes by herself I have to hear about how she was alone all day. Even when I go work out, which I invite her to come to every day.

She is driving me crazy. Any time she is angry she yells at me. An example:

How was your meeting Beth?

IT FUCKING SUCKED. THEY WERE SO RUDE TO ME! THEY MADE ME WAIT LIKE 15 MINUTES BEFORE THEY WOULD EVEN TALK TO ME!!!

Maybe they were just busy Beth.

STILL, THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING MADE THE APPOINTMENT IF THEY WERE GOING TO MAKE ME WAIT.

I'm trying to do more things by myself. I went and got a pedicure while skipping class the other day. I have been working on trying to take charge of what I eat and when I eat. But mostly, I am just counting down the days to summer. Please don't think I haven't tried to help Beth. I know she needs help, I have walked her to the counseling center at school, walked her up to the desk and begged her to sign up to talk to a counselor. She won't. I don't know what else to do but just try to be myself and count the days till summer. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Sorority Cookie Monsters

2006-03-31T09:31:00.000-05:00

Feeling out of words this week, out of un-angry words anyway, so I thought I would give you a little taste of my sorority.

My mom sent me a package about a month ago and among other goodies was a box of Thin Mint Girls Scout Cookies. I think those cookies are divine and really who can argue with me?

I immediately opened the box and started to munch on them when I realized my milk was downstairs and you have to have milk with chocolate cookies, so I went downstairs to retrieve it with my box in hand. As I walked into the chapter room (living room) there were four or five of my sisters sitting on the couch, talking and watching tv. They all glanced up to say hey and then went back to their conversations. All except one. All of a sudden her eyes snapped on to my cookies.

"Oh. My. Gosh. Feeny, are those GIRL SCOUT COOKIES?!?!" She exclaimed. Suddenly the room got quiet. I swear even the tv got quieter. Every single eye was on me as beads of sweat formed in my palms.

"Um.... yea" I said quietly in a shaky voice, counting how many of them there were and estimating my chances of out running them with the cookies. A couple of them stood up, while the rest looked ready to pounce from their seats.

"Where did you GET those?!? Do you have any more?" Sister #1 asked as she inched closer too me.

"My mom sent them because my sister is a girl scout and I came down to get some milk." I left a slight pause before saying "No-I-don't-have-any-more-but-if-you-let-me-leave-alive-I-swear-I-will-find-some!!!"

Sister #2 laughed loudly, a little toooooo loudly, and said "Alive? Now why would you say that? Of course we will let you leave alive!" But as she is talking the sisters still seated stand up and those already standing press forward.

"Haha" I force out. "I know, I was just kidding"

Sister #1 asked "So how many are in that box? Surely you aren't going to eat the whole box" I was certainly was going to eat the whole box! I knew I had to do something, and do it fast before it was too late.

"Look!" I shouted "Free beer!!!" All of the sisters turned to where I was pointing so fast I was surprised none of their heads snapped off. I took my chance and bounded back up the stairs. Running down the hall I can hear them screeching as they chase after me. I make it in my door and lock it right as they see me. I eat them all as my sisters sit outside of my door waiting for me to come out.

Screw the milk.

**this story is based loosely on fact**

spring sunshine masked by winter rain

2006-03-24T09:26:00.000-05:00

I am so sad. I really was going to post a picture for photo friday. I really was! We have these trees behind my sorority house that were blooming earlier this week and it was warm and sunny and beautiful! And then the inevitable happened... Mother Nature remembered that we are in the mountains, and that means that winter comes and goes as it pleases. Winter is like a guest that habitually overstays her welcome. At first she comes and relieves Fall of her duties, and then she settles in to make beautiful snow, crisp cold air, and she rings in Christmas and the New Year.

But then Spring sort of taps Winter on the shoulder and shrugs to say "Hey Winter? I know you have a good thing going here but... its my turn and... I just would really appreciate it if you left."

Winter, however, says "Um, I don't think so, I don't think I'm ready"

And here we are. Caught in the yearly fight of Winter and Spring. Earlier this week it was warm and sunny. You could see the beautiful colors in the mountains and class just seemed like a suggestion. All I wanted to do was ditch my shoes and play in the grass. I woke up yesterday with the prediction of snow in the air. Thats right, things are blooming but the snow it coming. Maybe it won't snow, but it is definately about forty degrees and raining right now, and so spring pictures will be posted at another time, because I definately have some good ones planned out!

I want to be the biggest loser!!!

2006-03-20T09:53:00.000-05:00

I ran my first 5K on Saturday, and I didn't do as poorly as I had thought! I did the 3.1 miles in 34.06 minutes, which is about 11 minutes a mile which, while not being the greatest time of all... time, still breaks my record time of nothing!

The race itself started out kind of badly, because I got a cramp in the arch of my foot before the race even began. You know those cramps? You never know how they begin or how to get rid of them, they usually just go away? Well that's how this was, only I couldn't get it to go away so when I started running, I must have started favoring my right foot without even knowing it because around the first mile I got the most terrible shinsplint EVER. I started walking with Ryan only to find that walking increased the pain from my shinsplint to almost unbearable and I knew that if I kept walking Ryan would have to pick my up in his car from the side of the road. That was a good thing on some counts because it forced me to keep jogging.

34.06 is a good time... I am proud of it. As for the rest of my family? None of my extended family came, apparently alot of promises were made to my father before hand but every one kind of dissapeared when it came to actually running the damned thing. My first younger sis finished about five or six minutes ahead of me with my father, my second youngest sis finished about two minutes in front of me, Ryan finished about two minutes after me, and my uncle walked.

In other news...

I opened an email the other day and it was a printable bracket and an invitation to join the bracket-pool that my family does every year. My cousin sent it too me because apparently I am officially old enough to gamble. Skimming through the rules I read that its ten dollars a bracket, more points for how far your team goes, yada yada yada, and then I read something interesting: 80% of the money will go to the person with the most points and 20% will go to the person with the least amount of points. How awesome is that?!

Immediatly I decide I am going to do two brackets. One with teams I think are going to win and one with teams I think are going to lose. I mean, wouldn't you? They are giving away money to the biggest loser, and I can most definately BE the biggest loser! Excited, I make my brackets and fax them off. I am pretty sure that everyone will find my idea fricken hilarious, but even if they don't I do and that - apart from winning money - is all that matters. At the race on Saturday, my uncle made multiple comments on how hilarious my bracket was and how everyone thought it was funny. With that in my pocket I headed to my aunt and uncles house.

It was basketball mania. Brackets were everywhere, teams paraphenalia was everywhere, and my uncle even got that satelite package where you can watch four basketball games at once. ADD, thy name is Feeny. I walk into the tv room and my cousin B is sitting there waiting for some games to start. We hug and say hi and then he says to me

"Nice try with the bracket, but we are throwing it out." What? Throwing it out?

"Why?!" I ask him

"Because it's not in the spirit of the game. The money is supposed to somebody who wants to win"

"I do want to win. I want to win money!"

"Well we are having a 'commitee meeting' (oh please) tonight and we are going to vote"

By this time I am kind of mad. I know it's all in fun, but I thought that idea up all on my own, and I don't want it to get thrown out just because my cousin is a cry baby (a 38 year old crybaby at that). Yesterday when I was leaving the house I was told by other family members that its funny, but they will probably change the rules next year. I responded with "I don't care if you change the rules next year, just don't do it this year!"

We shall see...

the only part of harry potter that is true is the worst part!

2006-03-17T15:06:00.000-05:00

I was talking on the phone today with Mom about basketball (what else? It's March!) and she told me that she fell asleep on the couch in front of the t.v. last night watching the games. When she woke up this morning, she had a furry little friend sitting on the arm of the couch watching the early morning infomercials with her. That's right, a mouse was near her head watching her as she slept. Mom didn't panic (she says), but it ran away as soon as it saw she was awake. Mom then went to the closet in our laundry room and proceeded to set up three mouse traps.

She quickly and sadly caught the/a mouse, and she figured her job was done. Then she went to check the other two mouse traps and one was missing! That's right, a mouse or some other creature took it! Now I know some of you are sadly shaking your head saying "That's so sad, the mouse's tail probably got trapped and it took the trap with it!" But I beg to differ. This is what I think happened: I think that mouse was just protecting my mother this morning, and he/she/one-of-their-friends got killed because of it. Now I think they are getting their revenge by taking her weapons and using them against her.

Thats right Mom you'd better watch out. I think they are coming to get you!

When she told me this, I jokingly told her next time I came home I would just bring Victor (Ryan's snake) to the house with me and just let him go in the house and that would solve that problem while feeding the snake for free. To which my mother replied "Well, we usually have snakes that live in the house, but they must be hibernating". Let me go off on a tangent to say that I live in a 75 year old house with a pond behind it in the middle of FarmLand USA and we have many creatures that co-exist in our living space. But I always thought living space was more like the yard and less like THE WALLS which is where she says they live. My mom says that at least one snake lives in our house/walls and usually keeps the mouse population in check. My dad pulled me into a bathroom about two years ago to let me listen to a BIG sounding snake slither in the ceiling, but I thought that they got rid of it! I didn't know my parents liked the snake living there!

You want to talk Year 2 at Hogwarts HD? I'm never going home again! The slithering I heard was from something big, and I am sure its steady stream of mice has encouraged much growth. This thing could be huge and we wouldn't even know it! What if mice aren't enough at some point? Let me just tell you, I am making my sister use the bathroom in every single toilet before I will when I get home, and I am currently looking on the internet for some sort of Snake Death Ray Defier Sunglasses because I don't think I'm quick enough to use a mirror. Maybe I can make some out of camera lenses... that worked in the book right?

So now not only are the mice going to attack my mother, but if they get to feisty and wake up the snake that's in "hibernation" then my whole family could get it! I always knew new houses were the way to go. I'm staying up here forever!

competition

2006-03-16T21:11:00.000-05:00

March Madness has definitely begun and here are some signs:

1. People start wearing shirts supporting schools you never even knew they liked.

2. Basketball is suddenly on every t.v. in every restraint you go into.

3. Brackets are seen on everyone's desk/door/board.

4. Questions like "Hm.... Friends or basketball?" are answered with the latter answer.

5. No matter where you are from in NC, where you went to college, or who you usually cheer for, you have a strong allegiance in the Duke - Carolina game.

Sorry no blogging has been happening, last week was spring break and this last week has been spent catching up on everything I dropped last week. I am running a 5K on Saturday up here, and I have been trying to train so that I don't have to walk more than my twelve year old brother. I made the mistake of telling my family about this run, and now I have my whole (athletic) family coming to run. That may not sound like a bad thing, but I have a little problem.

I am the most competitive person I know. I compete with drivers on the road, I compete with people in class for grades, but I am most competitive in the athletic realm of the universe. In swim practice I used to compete with the person in the lane beside me even if we were just doing practice laps and the person I was competing against was oblivious. In soccer, I would run myself ragged in drills always trying to be the fastest even when I knew that I was an endurance runner. In college I thought that would go away because it wouldn't have an outlet, but I was very wrong.

Sororities in my school compete in everything. The thing I am most interested in, however, is intramurals. Intramurals are a supposed to be a chance for people who didn't decide to play collegiate sports to still compete but in sorority world your sorority gets points for how many sisters attend each event and if you win. Every single sport to the stretch of the imagination is represented. Ping-pong, raquetball, darts and arm wrestling are intertwined with flag football, softball, volleyball and others. Now I am fully aware that these games have no real standing in real life, but so far they have caused me more stress than anything else in my sorority. I am known as Coach Feeny, and my sisters often look at me and say sorry if they do something wrong. I can't help it, I just hate losing more than anything else in the world.

Which brings me back to the point of this story. My whole family is coming to run this thing, and I am going to be on the low end of the athletic totem-pole. My 18 year old sister is very athletic, my dad runs all of the time, and that's just my immediate family. I have cousins coming who run in triathalons coming to this thing, and I can barely run two miles! So this is how its going to pan out... either, I will force myself to run the whole thing and almost die, or I will just accept that I cant do it and spent the day in a funk because I "lost". I know that I should just be mature and do the best I can and be happy with it, but I don't think that that is going to happen.

Ho hum... I am going to watch some more basketball...

being gangsta at the Academy Awards is just Ludacris!

2006-03-07T01:12:00.000-05:00

Did anyone else who watched the Academy Awards last night feel like it was almost one big commercial for watching movies on the big screen? I think I heard Jon Stewart say about five times "Man, there is nothing like going to the movies and watching a movie in the front row with some popcorn and a drink". Not to mention the man that got the "Honorary Oscar", he said the same thing! I mean, I didn't think I saw any actors or actresses whose starvation wasn't self-induced. Are the movie going numbers that low?

And speaking of starvation, I think I publicly asked the question "Doesn't ______ seem really skinny?" More times than anyone else wanted to answer. They all looked like they were refuges from some poor country! I was so relieved when I saw Queen Latifa that I almost fell out of my chair with gladness. At least she isn't competing in the How Many Bones In My Body Can I Make Visible competition! But she was the only one. How far are they going to go is a question that has been asked and presumably answered every year for the past couple of years, but they just keep getting skinnier and skinnier.

But do you know who really impressed me last night? Luda. Or Chris "Ludacris" Bridges if you want to get technical. I am not a huge fan of rap, but like country or any other type of music, I am drawn to lyrics and beats that make me smile and make me laugh. Luda's ability to do this is huge. But when he went up to present an award yesterday, he completely turned around. He was dressed very nicely, he conducted himself in an appropriate manner, but most importantly he was well spoken. He came off an intelligent man full of dignity and self-respect. He seemed to understand what the Academy Awards were all about, and he did a great job of representing what he does (rap) and where he comes from (Atlanta). If you haven't seen Crash, and you only need one reason to go and see it even though I can give you seven hundred, it would be because Ludacris is in it and he rocks.

Unlike Luda, when 3-6-9 or who ever they were went up to accept their (cringe) award for the outrageous song "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp", did they try to redeem their song by acting like gentlemen? No, they slurred and stumbled words out until the tele-prompter told them their time was up and then they ran off stage yelling. Now, I do agree with Jon that they did express more excitement than anyone else about winning the award, but they could have done such a better job of conveying that at the ACADEMY AWARDS!! This isn't the MTV Video Music Awards (which I also watch and enjoy immensely) and you are not surrounded by screaming teenagers. You are speaking in front of people like Julia Roberts, Charlize Theron, George Clooney and Morgan Freeman. Watching them made me more than a little disappointed. This is why my generation gets such a bad rap and why we do things to earn that bad rap. Look at who we are looking up too!

Although this whole blog sounds very negative, I really did enjoy the Academy Awards. Jon Stewart was hilarious and a great choice for a host (although we didn't get to see much of him did we?). I think Reese and Ryan are so cute, I love Hollywood marriages that last and see children and I loved her speech. I thought the musical scenes with everything in the background was a big much, but I LOVED the violinist playing the songs. I almost choked with delight when Jennifer Garner almost fell and I love watching old people (and some young people) struggle with the teleprompter and come out on top. I love award shows, and on a complete tangent I think I am going to try and go the the Sundance Festival next year because it looks like it ROCKS!

2006-03-05T13:18:00.000-05:00

Four jobs I’ve had:
1. Camp counselor
2. Lifeguard
3. Soccer Refferee
4. Wal-Mart Cashier (it still saddens me)

Four Authors, Books, or Series I read over and over:
1. Harry Potter (all of the books, about seventeen times)
2. The Long Walk, Stephen King
3. Clan of the Cave Bear
4. The Stand, Stephen King

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. The Breakfast Club
2. The Italian Job
3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
4. Aladdin (hey, its a good movie!)

Four TV shows I love(d):
1. Friends
2. Project Runway
3. Cash Cab
4. King of Queens

Four places I’ve lived:
1. Denver Colorado
2. Greensboro North Carolina
3. Cullowhee North Carolina
4. I'm working on it!!

Four places to vacation:
1. Mexico
2. Colorado (or anywhere to ski!)
3. London
4. New York

Four sites I visit/use daily:
1. Google
2. Addicting Games
3. More blogs than I want to admit
4. AOL

Four people I’d like to meet in person, based on their blogs:I agree with Jen--I don't want to pick just four!
1. Boobs
2. Talking Ryhmes
3. le chat qui
4. Calliope

Four foods I yearn for:
1. Taco Bell
2. Girl Scout cookies
3. Grilled Salmon from McCouls
4. Crab Legs... mmmmm crab legs... mmmm spring break

Four inventions I’m grateful for:
1. iPod Mini's (even though they aren't sold anymore)
2. sewing machines
3. blenders
4. Computers

Four musical choices for my personal soundtrack:
1. Pink
2. Jack Johnson
3. Coldplay
4. Relient K

Four nouns that describe me:
1. funny
2. energetic
3. lazy
4. smart

I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to do it and if you do, tell me!

Gym

2006-03-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

The differences between men and women are sometimes pretty evident, but no where does it show itself more to me then at the gym. You see, I am a people watcher. I love to see how people talk to each other, or work out, or do anything. This especially amuses me when I am at the gym trying to do anything to keep my mind off of the fact that the damn elliptical just gets harder and harder!

When girls go to the gym, they often attend in packs. This is so they have someone to talk to while they are working out. The gym is very much a social breeding ground for girls. At the gym they can gossip and talk while working out and trying to look cute. I have seen more girls walk away from the gym because there weren't two empty machines sitting together than I can count.

When guys go to the gym, they often come in packs as well. But these packs are different. Guys go to the gym together to compete with each other. Now this isn't limited to guys, as I find myself competing with the stranger next to me even if they don't know that I am, but guys are more comfortable with competition, and they are more public about the competition. They also tend to be more serious when working out.

An example:

Yesterday, Ryan and I went to work out. Usually we do our own thing aerobically and then meet up to do sit-ups and push-ups. Instead of sit-ups and push-ups I asked him if we could see how much I could bench press, because I used to do it all the time in high school and I was anxious to see if I could still do much. Ryan said sure and we went over to the free weight section, a place usually only inhabited by boys and the occasional girl that is on a sporting team.

We went and set up, and I was laughing and making jokes as I layed down to do my first press, but Ryan was quiet. Confused, I just shut-up for a little while and did my thing, although I kept laughing at myself. I just find it amusing that I am doing this in the middle of guys that are doing four times my weight, and that makes me laugh. Then I looked around, and I noticed something. There was no joking going on in the free weight section. Sure there was some conversation, but none of the boys were making jokes, and certainly none were laughing and making jokes about how little they could lift, as I had been doing.

Curious, I then watched Ryan go and lift with some of his fraternity brothers, and my theories were proven. Ryan my loving, funny, goofy boyfriend had turned into some super serious tough guy, and it was one of the cutest things. He strutted around after he pressed three times what his "Little Brother" couldn't do more than once. Him and the guys just kind of forgot that I was there for a while, and it was like watching National Geographic.

Bench pressing was fun, but now my arms are so stiff I am having trouble moving reaching things. Maybe from now on I will just stick the elliptical and the free weights under 100 pounds!

what i would love to do for a living:

2006-02-20T16:30:00.000-05:00

(they aren't numbered because there is no order):
*act
*sew
*teach
*direct
*design clothing
*write
*own a thrift store

once again i assume people are smarter than me and get punished because of it

2006-02-20T09:20:00.000-05:00

Every college student has to take some sort of "Health and Wellness" class in their years at school, preferably their freshman year so they can learn to "eat right on campus" and "manage that nasty stress". In other words it is the most boring, stupid class I have had to take thus far. Because of the boring factor and the fact that these teachers believe that their classes are the most important classes taught at the university (what professors don't?) I am taking Health and Wellness for the third time. Ok ok fourth, my fourth time. Don't think I have failed it four times, that's only been a one time thing, usually I just get bored and frustrated and drop the class.

Again, try not to judge, its just so hard to respect a teacher that gives you more work than your English 203 class and then grades you badly because they think you are lying on your food chart (honestly, why would I lie and say that I ate unhealthier? If I was going to lie, I would tell you that I eat 7 servings of fruits and vegetables a day!) and if I don't respect my teacher then I usually do badly.

This semester seems to be a pleasant surprise. Even though my class is at 8 in the morning, the teacher is a nice woman in her late fifties who probably weighs about 80 lbs soaking wet. She used to be a nutritionist but decided to teach this semester. Other than knowing nothing about computers, she seems to be a really good/easy teacher. On Friday we had a test. I studied minimally, but was pretty confident that I would do well. I mean, after the third time taking the class, I had picked up some stuff.

The very first question was about the dimensions of wellness. It was the type of multiple choice question where the A B C's are the definition dimension and the 1 2 3's are the names. There are 7 of them. I answer the questions pretty easily and move on. The very last question is an open ended one that asks me to "List and define 4 out o the 7 components of wellness". I am pretty sure I know the answer to it so I start listing. Suddenly, I realize that the components that I am listing are the same as the dimensions that are defined on the front page of the test. I am hit with doubt. Would my teacher really define what she later wanted us to define? No, no way, she's not that easy. Is she?

I sit there thinking about it until it is time for our tests to be taken up, and I decide that she is not stupid and that it is me that doesn't know the answer and not her that wrote it earlier. I turn the test in with that question blank (a stupid thing for me to do, I realize this). We got them back today and guess what? Have you guessed? Yes, you have guessed correctly, she had no idea that she put the answers to her one open-ended question on the very front of the test.

From now on I am doubting the stupidity of no one.

A rose in the hand is worth... wait...

2006-02-17T09:41:00.000-05:00

Im finally posting a photo on Friday! Hurray! I love this picture. I got the rose from Ryan for Valentines Day, and it just bloomed beautifully and is now quite possibly the most beautiful rose I have ever seen. I put it with my blue jewelry and my hand with something written on it (because if you ever look at my hands, they always have something written on them). I wanted to try both hands, but it was impossible short of duct taping the camera to my head, and even then how would I press the button (yes I really thought about it).

Silent Beauty

2006-02-17T07:18:00.000-05:00

I love the snow. I lived in Colorado for the first half of my life and snow reminds me of skiing, and sledding at the park down the road from my street. No matter how much it snowed this weekend, which was actually around four inches I bet, it still did not accumulate on the roads (check out the picture of the building) which continues to boggle my mind.

One of the reasons I love snow is for how it makes the world look. Underneath it can be trash and mud and it still makes everything sparkle with this temporary beauty. Snow reminds people to slow down and just glance at the world for a moment, as it is almost impossible not too.

I am not the greatest photographer. Part of this is predestined by the fact that I do not own a camera. But when I do wrestle one away from someone (I will give it back soon Ryan, I promise, and no I'm not "getting fingerprints on the lense") I try to take inspiring pictures. I am not suprised by the fact that in my photo boxes, 99% of the pictures that I tried to take artistically are of snow. Its beauty is inspiring. So here is my weekend...

2006-02-17T07:13:00.000-05:00

The sad thing is that I didn't make this snowman, I found him like this

It's like a snow angel that doesn't involve me getting wet (it was very wet snow that day)

Me and Ryan playin in the snow

2006-02-17T07:06:00.000-05:00

loose marbles

2006-02-10T09:53:00.000-05:00

I swear I will have something intelligent to say on monday, but for now I just have these random things I thought may enlighten your day just a little bit...

1. A quote FROM MY TEXTBOOK in my first class today, on a stress related illness called GAS (that stands for the Gsomething-Asomething-Syndrome):

"The GAS consists of an alarm phase, a resistance phase, and, if the stress lasts long enough or is strong enough, an exhaustion phase"

Am I the only one who can relate to that? I think I always have the GAS! Especially after a good nights stomach brewing over the Taco Bell I had last night. And can I just say that apparently I was the only one who found this amusing in my class? There are at least 4 boys in that class and 2 of them are in fraternities. Give me a break!!!

Did the editor of the book not look at that and say, "Hmmm... do you think we made this GAS's syndromes look quite familiar to another gas's syndromes?" You know what? I almost hope they did.

2. I am trying to lose weight. Many a person has told me that I don't need to, and (yes, my roommate has actually told me this) that I make other people (her lazy ass) feel bad about themselves when I go workout because I am "skinny enough". Well let me just tell you that for someone who has played sports since they could frickin walk, the sedentary (while ever enjoyable) college life is getting to me.

Yesterday I went and worked out with Ryan. First however, I weighed myself, you know just to give me that little push I may have been needing. OK, I admit, I weighed myself 4 times, but that's because this is what I saw...

My room scale - 157
my reaction: well, that's not so bad I guess

One of my sisters scales - 165
WHAT?!? That's insane!! Oh well, I'm going with my scale (obviously, wouldn't you?!)

The gym locker room - 154
Now that's more like it, now I don't feel like going on this kind of diet.

The girls bathroom scale in the gym - 160
that's it, I'm done with you!! All scales are the spawn of some Calista Flockhart Satan and I refuse to worship you!!! In the name of the Weight Watchers and the Special K and of the Nordic Trac I banish you back to the hell you came from!!!!!!

I will also add that these numbers all came within the same hour. Maybe from now on I should measure inches.

3. Roomie's boyfriend of three months just found out that one of his ex-girlfriends is exactly 3 months and one week pregnant. I'm sure he regrets his timing almost as much as I do, but now my already snide and sometimes mean Roomie is now a writhing ball of fury and mean pregnant jokes, snappy comments, and a whole new level of "It better be my fucking way or the shit will FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!"

My prayer every night before I go to bed is "Dear Lord, please give Roomie something that she cannot complain about. Even if it is just for one day. Give my weary ears something to hear other than complaints and bitching. Do I need to sacrifice a lamb or something? Because up in these mountains I am sure I can find the resources needed. Amen"

Then I remember that even if Roomie was given $700 million and her boyfriend wasn't about to be a babies daddy and she could get her law degree without finishing school she would STILL find some way to be upset about something. Damn her!

Well thats all for now, although I will put up my bookcase picture later tonight. Have a good weekend and happy friday!!

Snowing

2006-02-08T23:51:00.000-05:00

I believe that when my school was under construction they had the most powerful wizards in all the land come and spin their most powerful web of spells to keep this school snow free. I say this because we are in a blizzard in the middle of the mountians (albiet they are kind of wimpy, but I try not to say that too loud as they may hear) and there is snow on the cars and about 5 inches of snow on the ground but somehow there is NO SNOW ON THE ROADS!! How does that happen? How is that even remotely possible? This is why before last year school hadn't been cancelled for 15 years, and the reason it got cancelled last year was because a hurricane got lost and found itself trapped in these mountains and caused major flooding. Because I guess the wizards didn't prepare for flooding.

Realizations

2006-02-07T11:08:00.000-05:00

I grew up under the impression that I had know exactly what I wanted to grow up to be at all times. I entered high school thinking that those were the years that I had to find out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go to college. My mentality was "I'm going to be a theatre major and I am going to the same school for four years and then I am going to do theatre forever."

Then I got to college...

My first lesson of sanity was from Ryan. He is 27 and still in school. But he is not like some of the older people I have met at school who just think it is so cool that they don't ever leave, he really is trying to make something with his life, and he wants to enjoy what he does. He went to Mars Hill on a scholarship for Voice, and then he went to a school in S.C. and became a respiratory therapist. He then went to a school close to home for a while and worked in a national park. Now he is about to graduate with a major in Anthropology.

Next take my current Spanish Professor. He is (obviously) a part time professor. He has his doctorate and he lives in Atlanta, GA (which, by the way, is about a two and a half hour drive). Oh wait, did I say lives in Atlanta? I meant he is a POLICE OFFICER in Atlanta. Yep, FBI training and everything. He also was (or still is) in the Atlanta Orchestra, and he told us yesterday that he has been a ballroom dance teacher.

Why don't we hear about these people in high school? Did I miss the class where we learned that you really do have time in your life to see what you really want to do? Where was I taught that the world would end if I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? Was that put on to me by my parents? That is such a crazy expectation. I'm twenty, and I want to teach and I want to act and I want to direct and I want to do EVERYTHING!!! And that is alright. Thats what college is for... finding what will make me the happiest... right?

Fantastic Photo Friday Thus Far A Fricken Failure

2006-02-03T14:56:00.000-05:00

So, in keeping with trying to do Calliope's photo friday's I contemplated all week whether I was going to show my refrigerator or my freezer. Then I remembered that I don't HAVE either one. I mean, I thought about it long and hard. I have stuff in my roommates fridge, in my boyfriends fridge, and in my sorority house's fridge, but none of them really embodied me. So here is my fridge...

So, I'm kind of a junk-food-oholic, and I am also broke so there is some soda on the door and some whipped cream inside of it, but maybe with my new found artistic talent I can buy some food by selling my drawings!!! Have a good weekend and happy photo friday!

words written toooooo soon

2006-02-01T23:08:00.000-05:00

I take it back. Girls fucking suck.

FRIENDS

2006-02-01T07:52:00.000-05:00

I have always felt more uncomfortable around girls then I have around guys. I don't know why, I just have. Maybe it has something to do with the constant back-talking and drama. Girls always have to have drama. And yes, I know that you are now looking through my earlier posts thinking "Wait a minute, didn't she say she was...." Yes thats right, I am in a sorority. I know that greatly contradicts the statements I made above, but sometimes a girl just needs her own kind.

Last night me and my roomate were having "us" time (yea, she's a bitch, but shes so cute sometimes). We were doing homework and watching FRIENDS!!!! It is our favorite show and only the best thing on t.v. ever. EVER. Unfortunately we only have season three and season four, and we ran out of episodes.

Thats right, the last episode we have seen is Ross' wedding where he says "Take thee Rachel" when he was marrying Emily. It is also the episode where Monica and Chandler slept together! Why do they have to make the season finale a cliffhanger? Why do they leave us in convulsions begging for more? If they just left it like a regular episode I wouldn't be selling myself on the corner for $30 to buy season five!

Now, I love my boyfriend. Right now I know that I am basically dating my husband (pick your jaw up off of the floor mom, its gonna happen). But he is quite disinterested in Friends. Of course, he will watch it if I ask him to because he loves me and he will even laugh and then say that he didn't, but Friends is no fun if you don't love it.

Because my roommate and I are both poor (I'm lying, they only have seasons 1 and 9 at Wal-Mart or else I would be there right now using my gas money to get home on season five) My roommate and I then proceeded to run screeching down the hallway trying to find SOMEONE in this sorority house that has season five. I mean, it must be a statistical impossibility that no one had it, but it happened! The closest we got was someone telling us that one of the fraternity boys in the house next to us had all of them. Devestated, we wandered back into our room and put on Madagascar. If you haven't seen Madagascar, its very cute and funny and I put it high on my movie list, but still...

The moral of this story (other than the fact that unless you live in Swaziland you should watch Friends at least 30 minutes every day) is that drama and pettiness aside, girls are essential for the soul. And shopping, but that is another story.

2006-01-30T16:32:00.000-05:00

If you don't like Bush, this can just be funny reminder of why not, and if you do... come on you have to laugh anyway!! Happy Monday!

Mine or Hers?

2006-01-30T00:45:00.000-05:00

Just thought I would try out posting pictures and show you some of Shelley at the same time!! If you have a better way or any tips, I would appreciate them!

2006-01-30T00:43:00.000-05:00

up close and personal

2006-01-30T00:42:00.000-05:00

Shelleys new home

B(itch)est Friend**

2006-01-27T14:30:00.000-05:00

My roommate and I are best friends and we are also sisters in the same sorority. Being roommates, best friends, and sisters means we spend a LOT of time together. We are also quite different. She is usually bitchy, very domineering and has to have everything a certain way (her way). She also hates chocolate.

(I know what you're thinking, how can anyone hate chocolate so much they can't stand to smell it or see it? I don't know, all I can say is some people are born mutant freaks and that I have done everything in my power to change her but nothing so far has worked... suggestions?)

I on the other hand try to be happy at least 75% of the time, don't really care if the rug matches the comforters in this closet that we are living in, and I'm usually ok with compromise. How did we end up best friends and roommates? Well, we are roommates because I am the only one of our friends that can stand to live with her (I am her fifth roommate in a year and a half of college) and we are best friends because... um... I don't quite know...

Take the latest drama for example, but you might want to get a snack first, it is a little long:

I have always wanted a turtle, I had one in Colorado but she died right before I moved here and it is illegal to buy turtles in North Carolina. You can shoot things and hang them up on your wall, you can probably marry your sister, but you cannot have a turtle. I was lamenting about this when Beth said "I have one, and I hate the damn thing so you can have it". Me, being the naive person that I am, thought that would be a GREAT idea!!! She went on and said that the turtle was about 5 years old, used to have a little turtle friend but it committed suicide (a great number of her pets commit suicide, and after reading this you may have a greater understanding of why).

I went to her house over Christmas break and the poor thing was living in a little clear plastic box with some rocks in it and about an inch of water that was so dirty that things were growing on the turtle, I kid you not. When roommate got the turtles she was to cheap to get a lid for the box so they just put old magazines over it after the first turtle killed itself. Oh, and did I mention it lived on top of a microwave?!?!?! Yea, like that's healthy. Her mom, who was tired of being the only one taking care of the turtle, practically forced the turtle on me.

After I left the house with Shelley (my new name for her) I drove to Ryan's house. He took one look at the living conditions of Shelley and said "Lets go to Wal-Mart". We went and bought her a new house (with a bright pink top) and new rocks and a little island thingy. I got her the same sized house because I thought that since Shelley had been living in one that size for so long maybe it was what she needed. But Shelley did not seem happy. She stayed in one corner where she would push all of the rocks away and try to "swim" in the one inch (again, I didn't know what I needed) water. She seemed okay in that enclosure, just not extremely happy. I will note that here is where some of the trouble with Beth started. She gave me a hard time about worrying so much about it, and would frequently laugh at me for buying it new stuff.

To make an already long blog a little shorter, I found out about a week ago that Shelley is a Red-Eared Slider. After a short search on the internet I found out that RES's are swimming turtles that need a small rock for basking on. I then freaked out. I don't want a sad, sick turtle. I want a happy turtle who swims around and grows and is... happy. I then went out and got a book, an aquarium, and a filter. It wasn't everything the book said to get, but I am low on funds and I figure that Shelley has been living in a place the size of a shoebox for 5 years; she will be okay without every amenity the turtle book says. Beth just sat back and laughed at me. She made fun of me for spending money on the turtle because her reasoning was "The turtle didn't die when it was with me, why are you treating it so much better?". But you know what? Her making fun of me was ok because Shelley was happier and you could tell. She swam, she explored her space, she was happier. Now I have a bigger problem with Beth.

Remember when you were little and you got tired of a toy so you gave it to a friend? At first you thought "Haha, now they have the boring old thing and maybe mommy will buy me something new" but then you observed something that made you angry. Your friend liked the toy a lot, she carried it around with her and played with it all of the time. Suddenly, you remember why you liked the toy. You get angry because your friend is having so much fun with the toy and now you want it back because it really is a fun toy and anyway, it was yours first! Remember? Well, that is exactly what Beth is doing right now. She often refers to the turtle as "our" turtle. She won't call it Shelley, but Susy (her original name) she always feeds it, and she even told me that her mom just gave it to me so that Shelley would be up here with Beth. I began to get nervous, wouldn't you? I am spending all this money on Shelley, not to mention getting attached to her, and all of a sudden I am very wary of what will happen at the end of this semester... whose turtle Beth thinks it is.

Right now all of this is under the surface, but I think the shit is going to hit the fan pretty soon. Beth likes being called "Bitch" for a reason and if she doesn't get her way she will fight until blood is shed. The only question is how long the peace is going to last in our room, and in our relationship.

**Title stolen from a blog I read Talking Rhymes only because I thought it fit here so well**

a sad end for a beautiful creature and the reason it might have happened

2006-01-25T13:09:00.001-05:00

I always thought that I went to a pretty normal high school. I mean, there were a bunch of rednecks and thugs who never really got along, but other than what I thought was normal high school stuff nothing really big ever happened.

Yesterday I found out through a friend that someone had killed and mutilated a fawn. The sicko then proceeded to put it in on the front steps of my old high school and smeared the blood all over the front doors of the school. I cannot even begin to explain the shock and disgust I am feeling right now. Who did this?! How could anyone do this to another creature and then display it in front of a school? No one else up here thinks it is as mindblowing as I do. I can't tell whether that is because they didnt go to my school, or because hunting is much more common up here (even though this was FAR from hunting). I just... dont even have words for how I feel. I am so shaken by it.

This seems like it would be in a movie or a book. I can even see the scene of all of the kids arriving thinking that they are showing up to a normal boring day at school and then seeing this. But do you know what happens in my head after that scene? The person comes back and kills everyone!! Right? Does that not seem like the next logical (as if any of this could be called logical) step on the path this person is taking? My question is, in what state of mind does a person have to be in to do this? I dont think that even when in the most violent, frustrated, angry state of mind that I could do this. But consider this tangent:

This weekend I went and saw the second installment of "Underworld". It was pretty good, but very gory and rated R for very naked scenes and very violent scenes. I am twenty, and therefore have a good hold on reality and was able to go and see this movie and not think "wow! I can shoot people 20 times if they don't give me what I want and that is ok". The 6 kids under the age of 8 that were sitting in the very front row with their mom's behind them though, what can they be taking from this? Hoodwinked was playing, but the mom's decided to bring them to this movie for whatever reason. Could they not get a babysitter, or do they just not care?

Every person has their own opinion on the "violent media - violent kids" debate, and I got back and forth. I do know that the media does have some effect on children, I just dont know how much of one. Lets hope for those 6 kids in the theatre with me that it isnt that big!

A quick thanks

2006-01-24T19:15:00.000-05:00

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Saturn. I have been driving with the fuel indicator thingy (yes, thingy is now a word) below E now for 3 days and I have yet to run out of gas. I keep looking at it and saying “I really should get some gas… wait, I only have $1.97 in my bank account”. If it were any other car, I would have been stranded somewhere on the mountain days ago. So here’s to you Saturn, pleasing broke college kids everywhere!!

hmmm......

2006-01-24T11:03:00.000-05:00

I have an eight o'clock class every morning this semester. For those that are teachers and real professionals I know that you are rolling your eyes saying "oh please", but I am a college student! No one else in the entire school has an eight o'clock class and I have one every day.

My body is having a hard time adjusting to waking up before noon when I go to bed at 2 a.m. Take this morning for example, this morning I woke up thinking it was time to get ready for class. I jumped in the shower, and the whole time I was in there I thought "Wow, I really feel like crap this morning". When I got out of the shower I just happened to look at my watch while putting it on and it said 4:00. Thinking my watch had stopped I stepped into my room to see what the real clocks had to say about what time it was... they all shouted ITS FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING YOU MORON!!!! I then proceded to drop both of my towels and crawl back into bed dripping wet.

My boyfriend has yet to stop laughing. Jerk.

Talking and listening

2006-01-23T22:42:00.000-05:00

An acting teacher once told me that 99% of people like to listen to themselves better than they like to listen to anyone else... Of course, he REALLY liked to listen to himself talk, but thats a different story. I have been reading peoples blogs lately, and it makes me think about what I would say if people had the chance to listen to my random rambling's. I have been walking around the campus of my school and my thoughts have literally been in "blog form" if you will. So I decided to start this blog. Maybe it will be me listening to myself talk (silently of course), but maybe not. Hmmm... we will see!